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I need a host/actor (Greater Salem)
compensation:
$200
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Applicants also need to be available on the day of festivities May 10th around 1 pm which happens to be Mother's Day, do not apply if you're not available from 12-3 that day. This event has to be on Mother's Day because it's the only time that my entire family will be together in one room. And I'm going to steal the thunder from my mother. Here I got a question for you. Do you know how they determine what day Easter is every year? I bet you don't, most people don't including my mother. Well, Easter is determined as the first Sunday after the first full moon after the spring equinox and this year it just so happened to fall on my birthday. And guess who forgot. You guessed it my mother. So I have some plans on spicing up festivities in my honor. This year she went way over the top with her Easter celebration party at her house in the name of Jesus because she was under the impression that our Heavenly Father was going to come down and do the rapture that weekend because of all the stuff that was going on with the president and the bombings in him disappearing from the media, in the rumor about him going to the hospital. Anyways that whole weekend nobody even remembered I had a birthday.
Now I haven't really dedicated an achievement that will go on the top of this trophy it's just an amalgamation of a bunch of other people's achievements and dreams that were discarded at estate sales that I picked up for about 50 cents a piece. (Think about that for a minute your crowning achievements are worth about 50 cents.) It's kind of funny that I haven't come up with one yet because I've been handing out fake awards to my family for years, just tiny $20 ones you pick up at the actual trophy shop. I did one for the fastest shower taker in the world which I presented to my dad. Because he takes really fast showers. And another one I had made up was a postcard to my mom stating it was from a bird society on the East Coast that was reprimanding her for misidentifying a dead crow in her yard as a raven. Anyways she didn't really like that one because it proved that she didn't know what she was talking about, and if she doesn't like that one she's not going to like this one. I'm still trying to figure out what the trophy is going to say, "Congratulations on having a birthday that everybody overlooked" trophy that sounds really weird. Oh here's one, this one is crazy. So it's kind of my thing to present fake trophies to my family members, and my mom won a cribbage competition last week and my sister had the audacity to go down to the trophy shop and get a trophy made up in her winning a local match and then presented it to her at her house when she knows that was my thing.
You better be a really good actor, and you better smell good.
Anyways if you're interested in the job it pays $200 for the couple hours, I'm not even joking if you were planning on doing any festivities on Sunday with your mother don't even apply to this, I ain't sitting around waiting for your broke ass to juggle my time frame.
If you're still interested just respond to the drop-down in the upper left corner and email me.
Burritowheel.com